The ‘ick’ factor.
Do you ever just get the absolute ‘ick’? That feeling where you cringe from head to toe and want to run & hide?
It happened to me recently, I’ve been working with a brilliant marketing person and she suggested I reach out to other self employed women for promotion and support. Major major ick. Asking for help is NOT a place of ease for me. The mere thought of doing this makes me want to skedaddle.
Can you relate? What moments in your day give you this ick factor, either about yourself, a situation, or someone else?
You might get major ick when you’ve made a mistake or done something stupid. You send an email to the wrong person at work. You forget a friend’s birthday. You tell a secret you shouldn’t have. You say the wrong thing. You feel icky for ages afterwards.
Being around certain people might do it for you. You feel all icky about yourself after you’ve left them, or you might feel icky on their behalf when they do or say something cringe. Ick, ick, ick. I think social situations can be big triggers for a surge in the ick.
Situations where you don’t feel confident can be another icky sticky place. Trying to do something new, or doing something that you struggle with and that others seem to find easy. Ick alert.
Your ick might come in hard, like for me, when you have to ask for help. The mere thought or reaching out to someone and asking for something you’d like, or even need, might send you running for the hills.
It might be that you feel a deep sense of ick when someone pays you a compliment. It’s just so hard to believe that they’re being genuine or that the person is well meaning - you’d rather they just said nothing at all.
Conflict of any type might bring out strong feelings of ick for you. You find it really hard to name when you’re feeling angry with someone. You can’t stand up for yourself even when you know you’re right. You want to do these things, but the ick factor won’t let you.
It’s clear to see that the ick is alive for many of us, in a huge variety of situations. So where’s all this ick coming from then?
This is where we need to get curious. Because our ick is showing up for us in the areas where WE feel most vulnerable. It’s unique to us, others might relate and feel similar, but we’ll all feel this cringe differently in varying ways.
When I explored my feelings of ick around asking for help, I remembered my story - I know the reasons for my vulnerability around asking for something and fearing rejection. It makes sense for me. The great thing is, as soon as I’m able to understand the origins of my ick, the more compassion I feel for myself when it shows up!
My psychotherapy journey has taught me, both personally and with clients, that the ick arises because something about the person or situation has highlighted for us where we feel most unworthy, where we don’t like ourselves, it brings up the parts of ourselves that carry shame.
I wonder what your ick might tell us about your story, your levels of self worth and sense of self?
Start to notice when this feeling shows up for you. Pay attention to it. How can your ick give you an insight into areas of your life where you feel unworthy. Chances are these are the very areas where you need to be kindest to yourself and perhaps get some support in helping to heal.
