Just because it’s what you were told, doesn’t mean it’s true

Think of three negative things you believe about yourself, parts of yourself you don’t like, feel ashamed or embarrassed of. When I ask people this question, I’m always amazed at how quickly they come back with answers.

We all have things about ourselves that we’d like to change, beliefs that we carry around with us everyday. I’m too fat, I’m too thin. I’m not clever, I’m too opinionated. I’m too loud. I’m a bad cook. I’m lazy. I’m ugly. I’m not good in social situations.

One of the gifts that I’ve been given on my own therapy journey is the realisation that just because it’s something I ‘believe’ about myself, doesn't mean it’s necessarily true. Our sense of ourselves, our identity, often takes shape from the projections that others place on us. This is very natural, we learn appropriate social norms from our family and friends and this is how we survive and thrive in the societies we live in. Yet if we grow up in a family of Michelin star chefs, and we’re told we can’t boil an egg, chances are we’re going to believe we’re a bad cook.

But what if we’ve just never given cooking a proper try because we were convinced we’d be bad at it?

Now, think back on those three negative things you identified about yourself. You might find it interesting to reevaluate these ‘facts’. When did you first know this thing to be true? Was it something you were told or felt growing up? When we begin to reassess these beliefs that we carry about ourselves, they can start to lose their potency and power. Maybe you’ll be given a cookbook and start to enjoy practicing recipes, realising that you’re not such a bad cook after all. Everything in life is subjective, one man’s genius is another man’s flaw. Psychotherapy gives you the opportunity to explore the various parts of yourself, your feelings and long held beliefs, in a non judgmental environment with an objective person whom you can trust.